Healing Into Life - Jay - Tracey Fitzgerald111

Surrender Stories:
Jay, his wife and his family are wonderful friends of mine. I’ve been blessed to know them, they have taught me so much.

Here is Jay’s story of surrender in his own words:

I think the hardest step in getting started on that journey of Surrender is wrapping your head around what that means to you. To me it was a very hard concept, yet once you get your head and heart around it, you are on your way to a more blissful life. It was getting my head around it that took some time. Does it mean that you sit back and hope things work out the way you want them to? If not, what do you do? It was this first step, in understanding this, that was most challenging.

It was June 2016 and I had hit bottom. I had a daughter with a life threatening medical condition that not only was more stressful (over 12 years) than I could explain, it also decimated my family financially. To make matters worse, I tried to handle this on my own, you know, trying to be the “strong” husband/father. That was the proverbial tip of the iceberg. Just understand that I was lost, confused, anxious and in complete despair. I basically felt like I was trying to tread water, in the middle of the ocean, wearing 20 pound weights. What I was doing was not working and I needed help. That is where Tracey and I started talking about giving 100% trust and faith in G-d (meaning Surrender). I was not super religious, yet I have always had a strong relationship with G-d. So that initial conversation started me on an amazing journey and life changing transformation.

I have been through a few different places when it comes to surrender. During the initial time discussing it, I knew I needed to stop trying to control everything (that is a fruitless practice). Yet as I said, it took a bit to wrap my head around it all. I finally realized that true surrender was a balance. It didn’t mean that I just sit around on the couch waiting for something to happen. What it really meant was that I needed to do what I knew was in front of me (working a couple jobs, etc), yet be open to what was ahead of me. It was knowing that when I finally accomplished what I needed to get done, it could happen due to what I was working on, something I may have thought about, or something that was not even in the realm of my consciousness. I just had to trust that it would happen. I thought I was truly surrendering, yet I wasn’t. I was telling myself I was, yet my actions showed something different. I realized this as I was trying to land an important job. I was getting ready for my final interview and was having my “talk” with G-d. I was asking for help in getting this job. As the words left my mouth it was like the lights went on and I finally understood about surrender. I realized in that moment that I was not previously surrendering because I was asking for what I wanted, without concern for what may have been best for me (which G-d and the Universe know better). So I immediately changed my conversation to, “please just give me the strength to do my best and be my best during the interview. And then guide me to the best next opportunity.” It was life changing and I stayed the course for about 2+ years. The start of 2019 I was faced with challenges of finding financial help for college for my daughter. I was getting so frustrated by many things and was physically affected by what was not happening (meaning not getting my way). Once again, I needed to recognize that getting that upset over what I perceived as injustices was not surrendering or putting 100% trust and faith in G-d. I needed to go back to my original understanding which was, do what I could do, yet don’t get upset because I was not getting the results I wanted. It just means that there is something different that was in the plans and I needed to trust in that. I am happy to say that since I had been there once, getting back there again was much easier.

Through this process and A LOT of work, I realized there is a difference between surrender and giving up. Giving up is admitting defeat, it means that you don’t feel like there is a better way and that even if there is a better way, you will not find it. Surrendering is hope. It is saying that the world is bigger than you and that you are not expected to figure it out on your own. It means that you have to work hard, yet you have to have faith that in the end you WILL accomplish what you want, it just may not be in the way that you visualize getting it done.

I really feel like you can let go without completely surrendering, yet you CAN’T surrender without 100% letting go. I have learned that for me to be happy, to stop trying to control everything and to stay focused, I need to completely surrender to both G-d and the universe.