Coherence Healing, Letting go and embracing what’s next!
Although I’ve mentioned Dr. Joe Dispenza, his meditations and retreats, I do not work for him, nor am I affiliated with him in any way. Right now this is my path to healing, wholeness and the Divine. If you are curious, I do recommend reading his book “You are the Placebo” and then follow up with “Becoming Supernatural.” He elegantly weaves together science and spirituality, body, mind and spirit. He recognizes the Placebo effect inherent in everyone and via his teaching and meditations, guides you beyond your own limited thinking self into greater states of health, possibilities and well-being.
The last Dr. Joe Meditation Week long event I attended was December 2018 in the glorious 5 star resort, Gran Velas, Cancun Mexico. Going in I had no agenda or intention except to continue my personal unfolding and healing into life.
Throughout this week long course I heard Dr. Joe ask the question “Do you want to continue to be a victim….” and he would keep on talking about something I did not catch. I heard it maybe 3 or 4 times during the lectures throughout the week. None of my friends could recall what he was specifically speaking about, it didn’t stick out for them either. For me it was like he was pushing my deepest buttons, all I could hear was the word “victim.” Inside I was thinking “fu#k NO, I am NO victim, I’m so fu#king tired of this victim mentality. I’ve done so much work and here it is still pushing my buttons.”
On the outside I don’t carry the victim energy. I did carry it when I was younger. I’ve worked hard at living in the present moment, not being a victim to the past, worked on forgiveness and let go along with being assertive, having boundaries, being clear and speaking up, probably a little too much now that I’ve aged a bit. I haven’t had a good filter for letting bull s#it slide for awhile now. I’ve felt fear and did what I had to do anyways. I’ve created my life, traveled, put myself through school for a Masters Degree and created a successful business. I’ve moved on my own across country several times. I know how to make things happen for myself. And yet…. this “victim” word was pushing my buttons. There was obviously something still there that needed to be transformed.
On the last Sunday of the meditation retreat I had the pleasure of receiving a coherence healing. I’m sharing it so that it may inspire someone to keep accepting, believing and surrendering.
Please be aware there’s a bit more swearing in here. I hope it doesn’t offend you, it’s not my intention. This is where it gets real. It’s hard to put into words what happened and yet it was one of the top most unbelievably outstanding events of my life!!!
I literally got on my knees in my room before the Coherence healing session and said: Ok God, Divine one, I’m ready for what’s next, I’m ready to leave all of my old conditioning behind and any remnants of my old victim hood, of my abuses, of any martyrdom as a woman, nurse, healer or whatever, whatever is left of my old wounds, resentments, oh poor fu#king me hood, I have a fu#king tumor in my head, whatever the fu#k is left, I am ready to leave it all here in this healing, in this place. I’m done with it, with carrying it around, oh poor me I have a tumor to get what, to get what… fu#king love or attention or care… that’s my old inner child, or is it my not worthiness, whatever the fu#k it is I’m done with this victim hood, I’m leaving it all here, so take it, take it Alllllll… I’m leaving it behind, and if the tumor goes with it great, and if not great, I am just so ready to leave that sh#t behind, I’m fu#king done with it.
Going into the set up room with all the other Healees that will be receiving a Coherence healing I start crying right away. I’m not usually a big crier or emoter in public. Someone in the healee room tells us they saved those of us with the biggest challenges for the final day, umm… good thing/bad thing I think, although I imagine the energy on this 3rd round of Coherence healing is the strongest for us. Dr. Joe comes in and starts talking to us so beautifully and heart felt… and more tears begin to fall, my heart is opening and my body begins a little shaking.
We get up in silence, in our heart centers and walk to the ballroom filled with about 1000 people. We enter in to what feels like a very sacred space in this reverent silence. I’m laid down on the floor in between 7-8 people who are in their hearts and their energy is palpable. (You can refer to Lynn McTaggerts book “The Healing Power of 8 to glean more information on this method.) The energy in the room is pure electric love and off the charts as the meditation begins. I’m already sobbing… out loud.. I hear myself and I just don’t care, and even if I cared, I can’t do anything about it. Energy is moving through me fast and furious and I’m not in control. The participants around me are so deeply connected in their heart energy it’s flying like sparks around the room and all around me. So down I lay in between the group and my tears start flowing and then I begin to sob, like really sob. My chest starts heaving and all of a sudden I hear crying wailing sobs above my head out in front of me and think… omg.. that’s me! Lol!
I have no control, Divine loving energy is moving through me so intensely my body begins twitching and arching. And I hear these guttural sounds, and wailing, and moaning and laughter … all of it sounding like it’s outside of myself and yet I know it’s somehow coming from me. My legs are twitching and rolling, my neck is arching, my butt is up off the ground with my legs slamming around and sh#t is going down… it feels like a deep clearing out is on and all my old energy, my old cells and DNA is being put out and reorganized for good. Sh#t is leaving my system, it’s being shaken, vibrated and slammed out of my nervous system once and for all. My neck is contorted one moment and in another I’m up on one shoulder and my hips are contorted in the opposite direction and I’m uttering rattling noises from body.
I keep trying to breathe deep breaths in order to bring it down… and nothing is working, I am not in control here, so I breathe and let go, I breathe and rolling thunder moves through me and it keeps on going and going and going. My heart is being ripped wide open, my chest is heaving up off the floor as huge, huge, huge amounts of glorious electric love is moving through my heart space and then out through every cell of my body. The crown of my head feels like it’s been blown off and massive sparks are flying out in all directions. It feels like all my old conditioning is being cleaned out with it and I’m getting a first class upgrade from the Love of the Divine.
Laughter, tears and snot are all a part of the sacred mix in this healing room. I feel like I’m in a vortex of electric healing energy filled with love, powered by the Divine and channeled through these glorious beings surrounding me at mach 5 warp speed!
So the flailing, levitating, contorting, shaking, stomping, leg banging, laughing, crying, moaning, groaning, snot filled, crying like a baby goes on and on and on… and I have nooooo control… complete surrender is all I have and the ability to throw in an occasional few breaths.
The surrounding group breaks its magical love filled electric spell and I start to calm down with occasional moments where the energy consumes me and I’m spastically out of control… and I breathe… and again and again until I’m just a crying mess of blubber on the ground. And then the hugs and the love and the tears from the group comes in and somehow it’s a bit grounding as I sit in this new body.
Dr Joe begins to talk and I’m not sure what level of the awareness that is me is listening. I’m altered, never to be the same. I’m wrung out and ecstatic at the same time. I feel like I released 3000 tons of old energetic garbage during the process. I feel lighter, giddier, younger and more radiant. I am sooo in love with myself, my life, every one around me, and those who have passed in my life. I’m in a state of awe, wonder, forgiveness, bliss and love. I love the tumor in my old body for bringing me here to this place of healing, of the Divine, to this experience, I am soo fu#king grateful for it… omg… blissed… and grateful.
My life has not been the same since. After my return home I went on a healthy eating plan and lost 25#, my energy returned, has stayed and I feel like I did 15 years ago! I’m joyful and lighter in body, mind and spirit. I no longer have that elusive background fear. I know the difference between the certainty of trust, hope, faith and balanced uncertainty. I have the experience of the Divine that lives within me and all around me and I see it now more clearly and brighter in others and all living things. I’m ready for what is next and I surrender and rest in the arms of the Divine. I love and am so very grateful for the little tumor that has brought me to this place of Divine healing more than words can describe. My miracle is in Trusting the Divine… regardless of…
I believe in the power of prayer, meditation, positive thoughts and good vibrations. I AM Open to Receiving All Positivity coming my way as I undergo brain surgery tomorrow morning 7:30 CST. I AM in the Flow of the Divine and am Trusting the Process.
My husband Charles will send out a post op surgery blog along with several follow ups. We will be filling in here and there with other peoples stories of Surrender that I have written as well. I look forward to connecting with you soon. Thank-you all for your love and support.
Be well, enjoy life, believe in miracles!
Light Channel, Synesthesia Artist
Making the Invisible Visible.