Healing Into Life – Part 9

Seeing light, vibrations and illuminations.

Since I was a child I’ve be been blessed with being able to see light, energy, sound and vibration within and around all living things.

It’s been both a blessing and a curse. I’ve had it smacked out of me by my mother, told to shut up and not talk about such things. Teachers looked at me and shook me like I was a freak child and told me there is no such thing as seeing energy. As a teenager in the 70’s I was asked what I was tripping on and made fun of when I mentioned seeing music as moving colors.

Fortunately I started private art lessons for a couple of years when I was 10 and my art teacher got it. Abstract art was en Vogue at the time in the late 60’s. My ability to see music as brilliant, luminous, vibrating color patterns had fully evolved from the soft white light and pastels I saw as a younger child. My art teacher Bill, encouraged me to express what I saw in oil paints. I went from painting my love of nature in traditional landscapes to my love of the abstract. I finally felt seen, heard and able to express what I knew and saw as light and energy.

Unfortunately my father took a new job back in his home state and we moved the following year.

It was a traumatic move for me going from the country to the city, from childhood friends to city kids and from a two parent family to one. A few sarcastic remarks around my art and abilities and I immediately shut down from discussing it or creating it. Thankfully the 60’s and 70’s music scene was off the charts. I fell in love with the Motown sounds, blues music and good ol rock and roll. All the music I dove into as a disturbed teenager had life, color, vibration and light within it.

Many years later I began to dabble in acrylics and became obsessed with creating circles and mandalas. I sold some of my energy paintings in the mid/late 90’s and then stopped again. It took me 3-4 months to create a 16”x16” painting, sometimes adding up to 30 layers of paint to get the vibratory effect, and still most everyone else couldn’t see it.

At that time I began a lot of inner work and did somatic body work in order to heal my deeper emotional wounds. Within this I began to work with my abilities to see energy and sound, eventually learning how to turn it on and off, to turn it up or tone it down to a manageable place for myself and to set clearer boundaries with it.

When it was turned on it was often distracting. Imaging hearing the background hum of a home heater or ac unit as colored patterns, add in the freezer gently going on and off, the cable box of a tv humming it’s quietly unique sound, a fan in the other room, a car going by, a plane going over, birds singing, insects humming and the wind blowing. Add in people chattering, a tv or music. I see All of that in visual colors and patterns, often in the back of my minds eye which often feels like seeing it through the front of my eyes.

I also feel vibration, sound and music in large parts of my body. I see the accompanying feelings/vibrations as moving colored patterns in those physical places in my body as well as in my minds eye. I smell scents and can taste them in my mouth as colored shapes. Manufactured, perfumed and chemical scents are the most challenging.

Yes, it’s a lot to process, yet it’s done without thinking like all of your other senses it’s automatic.

(As an example, sitting here writing this just now, a lawnmower outside started up – I can hear it, see it as pointy gray and black chunks about 6-12” out to my right side, shoulder height and taste it as a fruity metal flavor behind my the front of my bottom teeth. Yes, yuk.)

On another odd note, I have a slight dyslexia thinking about how to spell words or do math in my head. I can’t see numbers in my minds eye, I need to write things out on paper so that I can see them and then I’m fine to figure things out.

Science likes to categorize this as a form of synesthesia, a cross wiring of my senses. I’ve been tested over the years, yet I don’t fit neatly into one of their scientific boxes. A lot of synestheses hear a musical note and it’s a specific color shape, over and over again it remains the same. Funnily enough, even though I love music I am a bit tone deaf as I process all this sound and energy so differently.

I see the sound and energy as constantly changing and moving through space. It’s as if I could see the particle breakdown of the energy moving through space which is constantly interacting with all the other sounds, energies and vibrations moving through space. Imagine you could take 50-100 mandalas or kaleidoscopes and shake them out into vibrational droplets of color along a sound wave in the air, creating new colors and designs as they interact with each other through this never ending 3 dimensional moving space.

Other sounds, feelings, energies, movements, people or any and everything else can affect the vibrational patterns and colors. It’s like a symphony of levels, dimensions, colors and patterns continually expressing and changing itself. To me, it’s my gift.

Most people, not all, emit a more definitive basic color pattern that shifts and changes to a multitude of degrees when feelings, thought and emotions change. We are all constantly changing and evolving as energy beings and so do the illuminations that we emit. Some stay stagnant or similar for decades, others have a basic color vibration that remains with slight changes over time and others still are constantly changing and evolving, never the same. When I’m with some one, usually when I’m doing a private session with them and a distinct pattern of colors, shapes, patterns and vibration emerges, my mind remembers it forever. It’s like an energy photograph that clicks in my mind and the color pattern stays in there somewhere forever and ever, I have thousands of them.

For the most part when I’m with others or in a group I have this turned off. It’s too much to process. There’s so much background noise in even the quietest situations never mind in a restaurant or with a group of others. I’ve learned how to shut it off and only turn it on when I choose to do so, typically when I am quiet and centered in the coherence of my own heart and infinite mind. On occasion someone’s energy and illuminations will visually break through in a public space. It can happen when I’m walking down a street and someone’s illuminations from blocks away will shine and light up like a flash of colors. It often happens in crowds and when I least expect it. I don’t analyze it or try to give it any meaning. To me it’s a surprise observance, a moment of joyous illumination.

For so many years I saw a lot of the darkness that we carry. I saw things I couldn’t explain and didn’t want to. It wasn’t my place to walk up to a stranger and say, “I see these dark spots here or there, I don’t really know what it is but it doesn’t look good, you may want to get them checked out.”

I was invited to go into a medical medium training years ago and declined, that’s not what I do. I don’t feel that it’s my job or place to explain or interpret these colors or energies for people, although that’s what people want the most. We want to be put into neat little boxes and understood.

On occasion with certain clients that I had worked with for some time, that I knew understood energy on deeper levels, I shared what I saw with them and let them interpret what it meant for them personally. We all know ourselves better if we tune in and listen.

I avoided large groups and big crowds for most of my life because of these gifts. I especially disliked speaking in public. Firstly, my insecurities and fears were laid bare there, of which I had many. Secondly, seeing all that energy, all those illuminations, some dark and not so positive being beamed up at me, was very disruptive to my own energy, I didn’t know how to handle it.

We all carry the lightness and the dark within us. You can’t have the yin without the yang. I know that as a Five Element Acupuncturist, but I didn’t want to see so damn much of it.

I also know that having spent 20 plus years learning and teaching various therapies and healing modalities that I was healing myself. I was working with all the darkness, depths of energies, patterns and variations within myself. And I completely understand projection. It was my journey.

My shift into now seeing Everything as part of the continuum of the Light of the Divine, of the Infinite Illuminations that we all are, no matter the shade of lightness or darkness, began when I learned how to surrender. Then again when I was blessed by the Grace of the Divine, by the Love of God itself at the Tampa meditation event by Dr.Joe Dispenza in 2017. In the two short years since then, my life has transformed in unimaginable ways as I’ve continued to do my work, be open, trust and enjoy more of those meditation events. Each one has been a building block of transformation upon the other. My ability to see the Divine Illuminations that we all are now arises from a place of utmost joy, without fear, negativity or judgement. I am eternally grateful for these past few years of change, challenge and growth. I am especially grateful for all the illuminated beings who guided me, walked beside me and at times carried me along this journey, you know who you are.❤️